It is hard to be a self that is connected. It is easy to be a self that is cut off. It is easy to be a self that is stuck to another so that there is no distinction between the two. To have integrity and to stay in relationship is the goal. Below is a way of thinking about to maintain self and yet be connected.
#1 A Sense of limits – where I end and others begin. Having a sense of self. (Chronic anxiety erodes this.)
#2 Knowing what you believe. A lot of people don’t know what they believe. (Write a beliefs paper. What would I die for?) Knowing what I believe helps me know where I end and other begin.
#3 No fear of taking stands. This is an #1 A Sense of limits – where I end and others begin. Having a sense of self. (Chronic anxiety erodes this.)
#4 The ability to stay on course. This is the element of resolve. The willingness to stay in there. Lasting. This issue of resolve doesn’t come automatically with ##1-3. The pioneers are the ones with resolve. The more self-definition you have, the more self-regulation you have.
#5 Staying connected despite it all. Non-anxious presence. The more self-regulation you have the more self-definition you can make.