Differentiation is about how to say “no” to the system and still stayed connected to it. Differentiation is the lifelong process of striving to keep one’s being is balance through the reciprocal external processes of self-definition and self-regulation
It is hard to be a self that is connected. It is easy to be a self that is cut off. It is easy to be a self that is stuck to another so that there is no distinction between the two. To have integrity and to stay in relationship is the goal. Below is a way of thinking about to maintain self and yet be connected.
#1 A Sense of limits – where I end and others begin. Having a sense of self. (Chronic anxiety erodes this.)
#2 Knowing what you believe. A lot of people don’t know what they believe. (Write a beliefs paper. What would I die for?) Knowing what I believe helps me know where I end and other begin.
#3 No fear of taking stands. This is an #1 A Sense of limits – where I end and others begin. Having a sense of self. (Chronic anxiety erodes this.)
#4 The ability to stay on course. This is the element of resolve. The willingness to stay in there. Lasting. This issue of resolve doesn’t come automatically with ##1-3. The pioneers are the ones with resolve. The more self-definition you have, the more self-regulation you have.
#5 Staying connected despite it all. Non-anxious presence. The more self-regulation you have the more self-definition you can make.
Ebola Virus — respects no boundaries and invade other organisms.
A couple of years ago as I was seated in a restaurant I overheard a woman and a man (I assume her husband) talking. As they looked at the menu she said, “I’m looking for something you can eat.